29042009---------------->i'm just happy

well well well...let's see..i had great day today!haha..
didn't make it to dear dear's place..he said..dunid le.. *sad*
soooo...i slept till almost noon..yippie!ya..i'm having great time relaxing here..
do envy me...and haha..you shall see me cry for the second time^^
so..the reason i stayed home today..because the piano tuner wanted to come over to fix my piano...

and...me as a very great host..i was still in my pyjamas when he came..
hehe^^i seek no effort to change...weeeee
watched one piece again for the rest of my day till around 4pm...
daddy called back and said:" ouh your car's ready...later i send you to pick your car back"..
YIPPIE!!SENSE THE HAPPINESS IN ME!!SENSE ME..FEEL IT..
was sooooo soosososososososo happy...
i took a quick bath...and waited..yahoooooooooooo!!!

ouh my beloved car...my goodness lar..those mechanics dirtied it..omfg..is like a trash car..
ima send it for cleanup tomorrow...then only i go visit my tit dah master...
yippie yaya yippie yippie ya..
say bye bye to the sardine train^^
*fireworks*

i'm still relaxing...first paper is only 2 weeks later..
please someone slap me PLEASE!!!
i need to study de...omfg...i duno wat to do... ToT
urgh...

*i'm still happy*...

weeeeee....funny video!hahahaha.. tuts my barreh

25042009--------------->effing screwed..

fucken hell..jux leave me alone
i seek no help...as no one would give me a hand..
i sat aside in agony..and suffered in my own pain..
when i give a thought about it..i realized i ran outta brain juice..
i have no slutions to the tonnes of problems i am facing..
all i want..is SILENCE!
all i want..is PEACE..
all i want..is THE FREEDOM I HAD BEFORE..
all i want..is NOTHING TO WORRY..
all i want...is JUST MY NORMAL LIFE..
so..for the sake of fulfilling wat i want..
people out there..PLEASE JUST LEAVE ME ALONE..
i know i will find my way..
i know i will have my thought
i know wat i could do for myself..
thanks for the care..
thanks for the love..
thanks for the patience..
thanks for the advice..
i learnt from my mistakes..
i learnt from my pass..
i never would do the same again..
i swore to myself..

23042009-------------->emo!!emo!!emo!!

saw christy's blog..well..here's something i learnt in my life..never trust someone 100%..NEVER!i will never do that again..i SWEAR!!fucken irritating...things tend to turn out badly..lately!i have no idea why..it just couldn't go according to my plans!ima be EMOFO soon...lets see..when u trust someone..there's nothing as ouh i trust 50%and leave the other 50% aside..there's no such thing in my life..when i don't trust i don't trust..i give you 100% and you returned 70%...and that's the end of the story..that's it..

wasn't in a really good mood lately..things stressed me up~especially that dumb upcoming exam!i have no idea..wat i'm doing..FUCKEN CAR still not here yet..motherfucker you tend to take ages to repair my brake paddle eh?have you got any idea how much i suffered throughout the week?if you couldn't get it done..then don't fucking tell me that the car will be ready by when when and when..i hate the stupid train!and now i have no where to go...i don't know where to camp..

no car..i can't camp at college till late night..dad's gonna renovate my room..WHERE THE HELL AM I SUPPOSE TO SLEEP?you can't expect me to study in jack's room..that's a total junk store to me..so..give me an answer where to study?WHERE?i want my car back...I WANT IT BACK!i rather that car hasn't broke down before..i'm at my peak right now..i'm going crazy..everything's driving me crazy!

i only know i'm having a very very messy thinking..having messy thoughts aint good...having insomnia...fucken hell!and the worst!the weather is SUCKY...how many times am i supposed to bath in a day?omfg omfg i hate it..and i'm always the one being nice and got scolded at the end..well..i don't wanna be the nice person anymore..lolo got it right..darling said the same thing..everyone told me the same thing..fuck man!seriously..fuck off please..just leave me alone..thanks~

urgh..URGH!!!!why would things turn out to be at its suckiest point when my DUMBASS FINALS is around the corner?why can't they be nice to be for once?WHY?ima curse the day light outta it..exams exams exams...grandma..family..friends...darling..what the hell is wrong?where the hell went wrong?grrrrrrr...grrrrrrrrrr....

p/s: seriously in emo mood..gimme a knife and i might slice you up~

21042009------------->the rain made me thinks about you

saw the tiredness in me?sigh*
===========================================================================
another sleepless night..i guess i'm having a world-best boyfriend now..there's no such thing that you could actually pop into ur bf's room early in the morning and stays at his house for the rest of the day just because you wanna sleep..well..i could do that at my bf's house!=) and i'm always glad about it..thanks darling...*muackx*

well..it has been really really hot these 2 days...hasn't seen a droplet of rain coming down from that very high sky...sad...i'm always feeling sweaty and sticky.. =(

err...is 3.30am and~haha^^it rained finally..so heavy..it's a heavy downpour..never really hates raining..i enjoy walking under the rain..playing under the rain..weeeeeeeee =) the wind blowed like as if a lion was roaring right outside at your gate..i was sitting by the sliding door..feeling the coldness of it..and i thought of you..

you were really really happy yesterday eventhough you were sick..well..i guess i know why..haha^^but i'm so not gonna tell you..since you said no!weeeeeeeee lets just keep it to myself..lalala..ya..my big baby here is sick..please don't get sick..i know you have no say but just please don't.. =( take care and drink lotsa water please...PLEASE!!

p/s: i really need you right now..and please don't ditch me...=D you promised...hehe^^ you never break any of your promises before..so please don't do it..weeeeeeeeeee =p love you! muackxx..

18042009--------------->outing with pua pua =)

weeeeeeee..mah outing with mah pua pua!haha..no worries..pua pua aint my boyfriend..he's mah 'sista'..hehe^^ well..go further to study lar..no time to ying chao me jor..finally squeezed that tiny bit of time for me...omfg!ish..so..the destination changed from one to another and then back to the same point..pavillion...i simply love the cinema seats~THEY'RE SIMPLY OSUM.. ^_*

well..i have no car lately..my only transport be..DUMB KTM..fucking hell..dumb weather made me sweat like a crazy girl..urgh..i hate the sticky feeling..especially right after i bathed..wtf man!i thought the train should be cooling....i bet it be the shittiest train ever...i was like in a sauna..holy!out of the blue..i sensed hunger in me..sad..forgotten to grab a bite when i left...and i forgotten bout darling's present...hehe^^his book...

well..instead of taking monorail and walk under the hot sun...i took a cab^^weeeee...the taxi driver is jux nice...haha..i'm always lucky to get some nice taxi drivers..they be kind to me..=)hohohoho..met up with pua pua..ouh~we went for...the movie..-------->MALL COP..

hilarious lar!hahahaha..i laughed non-stop in the cinema..is funny yet meaningful..the cinema was like soooooo empty...maybe because it's only 12.15pm...i have no idea..but definitely not more than 40 people inside the cinema 2..like i said..i had great time watching my movie in the big big cinema with my food..i miss my boyfriend sitting beside me tho =(

well...after the movie..headed down to starhill...jogoya...got my vouchers and met a few friends and off i left for darling's house...well..the later part of my day be boring and useless..nothing much to write bout..hehe^^ no worries i had my great day tho!yippie~

17042009--------------> sun's birthday...

今天心情还不错的。。就来篇华语的！哇~真的很久很久没有用华语了。。感觉就是很陌生。。其实，我并没有很讨厌华语，我只是不太喜欢。。讨厌和不喜欢是很大分别的。。今天阿，是我小学的一个好朋友的生日。。很可惜的就是都失去联络了。。可悲吧？

我身边的朋友总是看起来很多但其实却很少。。有时候翻查自己手机里的联络簿里找寻着朋友的时候，总是想不起谁是自己的好友。。那些朋友都是在他们遇到困难的时候，他们需要你的时候才会出现的。。我还真的很失败。。那天，我告诉升说：“ 喂，我刚发觉原来我没有什么朋友，我觉得很好笑。。你有那样认为吗？” 没想到的是，这个就是他的答案：“ 是哦？我告诉你，其实我和你都差不多。” 哎哟~这个到底是什么社会嘛？

其实，我很想避免这些人。是想得不得了！但是，我却办不到。我不忍心当没有人肯帮忙的时候，自己也是其中一分子。我没有办法当冷血的自己，总是觉得很残酷！就好像和亲爱的吵架，我都会硬着头皮去道歉，因为我觉得说句对不起并没有伤害到我。。说了对不起，他开心了，见面的时候就自然不回尴尬拉！但很多事情，是说了对不起都无法挽回的。。。

我一直没有用华语写部落是有原因的。。因为我那亲爱的看不懂华语。为什么要为难他呢？所以总是用英文。。今天心血来潮了。。撇下那白痴的信念，来篇华语的，感觉还挺好的！其实我还有个冲动，就写篇华语的信，要他的朋友念给他听，看看他会不会很感动！呵呵~我想是自己想太多了。。因为，天塌下来都不可能发生的事，竟然是我的梦想！哇咔咔。。。天真啊。。 ^^

16042009------------->it's the fourth month

been waiting for this day for sooooooooo long..we've been through quite a lot..aint it...is not easy you know..when 2 people gets together..we'll need patience and a very good temper...i'm not a girl with very very good temper..and i don't really have patience...you don't clap with a hand..we need two hands to clap to make a noise!

i endured...i followed your pace..i tried my very best to be a good girlfriend..because i knew i wasn't one in the past..i thought i was one right now..but i somehow failed to be one aint it?i never thought of betraying this relationship if i gave you the impression..simon is simply one guy that could be a good friend..to me he's better than some hypocrite friend...

yesterday was a hectic day for me...i couldn't take it anymore..i hate hospitals and that's why i feel so sick bout it..going to the hospital be worst than visiting a graveyard..and i hope you understand my feeling...my anger and frustration will take over my patience and happiness easily..you can put it as dementors in real life..which until today i have no petronuses to take them away...i'm sorry

i didn't want to be a cry baby..i hold my grudges and my tears..like i said..i don't wanna pressurized the already burdenized and pressurized shoulders of yours...you have your own life at work..i only hope that you could spare a lil time when i need you...seriously a little time only..you tried very hard to be a bf as well...we have loads to learn in life...it ain't easy...is not a nursery rhyme nor something you could learn by just watching video..they're something you will only get to learn when you experience it...

is tough..is painful..and it always give you the feeling of giving up!a fight is a fight..a fight with love and patience is different from a normal fight..a fight that will lead us to get to know each other better is different too...i love you my boyfriend and i hope you understand...muackx

13042009------------------>slacking at kent's

went to pc fair yesterday with jack and dear...hmm..to be honest i preferred last year's fair..not much pretty models this year.. =( and after i drove out from the parking..fucking car broke down..sigh~ well i'm no mechanic..so obvious i had no choice but to call my dad..got scolded..so?it won't help..and it was raining heavily that time..stayed there...waited..jack had to take cab back to his school.. sorry babe..

so left me and kent in the car waiting for the mechanic to come..awesome time aint it..haha~ playing with the windows..snapping photos..great ^^ thanks jon for fetching me home..never hope for my parents to come pick me up..as i know THEY WON'T!and they will never..i wonder how only i could be selfish..i wanted to be like them as well..lemme be one selfish girl..selfish girlfriend..maybe i'll live a happier life?

stoned and slacked around..hit the sack quite early yesterday.. =) woke up damn early this morning..well..had no choice cox darling's DSLR be with me...had to send it to him before he went off to work..so..took the dumb train..I SWEAR!!I'LL NEVER TAKE KTM ANYMORE IN THE MORNING UNLESS I HAVE NO OTHER ALTERNATIVES..god damn it!people pushing around..squeezing in and ignoring you when you said stop pushing and "ouch"..i was so worried bout the DSLR in my bag...i wonder if i crashed it or wat..sigh*

well..he went to work..and i stayed at his house...slept for 2 hours..hmm..the dreamcatcher thingy didn't work well on me..i had 2 hours of different kinda dreams..woke up study..then can't stand the messiness of his room..had to clean up for him...well it looks tidier than before..got so fed up with my tort law that i gave up studying and start slacking here..haix...YIPPIE! can collect my car dy later by 4pm or so..sad case..i'll have to go mum's shop after that..hectic lar..god damn it!

10042009------------>the feelings jux came out of the blue

hmm..been having this weird routine lately..a driver for both the guys..my bro and my big baby..well..fetching roc be lessen dad's burden..fetching the big baby because i wanna see him moar!couldn't really sleep lately..would wake up in fright during midnight..URGH!and is always 3am..wtf!as i have to wake up 515 in the morning..i get extremely tired after that..*sigh*why am i always having this dumb insomnia during exam eves?serious shit~

bah..back to the day..fucking got caught in the jam..due to my lateness!i left the hse around 625..sigh..sigh..shuda got up earlier and avoid the jam..but my SLEEP!?!?neway after sending roc..jln kuching was still kinda smooth that time..was listening to jj&ean in the car..ok i have this habit of playing loud music whenever i feel sad or down or watsoever you called..it wasn't that loud this morning..after the prank called they made to someone..i duno why..i felt like crying..

kinda weird aint it..i felt like crying out of the blue..early in the morning and its not even 7am yet!doink..maybe i'm over stressing myself..=( i duno..but i somehow forgotten the feeling of tears rolling down the cheek..i forgotten how to cry..i know i shudn't cry..i have to stay tough..i can't let myself fall before the war starts..darling is already stressful..i can't add anymore stress onto his burdenized shoulders..that's why i stopped my tears from falling =)

i'm sorry my friends at the college..been really stress lately that i don't really remember how to smile~let the war ends and i'll get myself back to normal mode..i need to get fucking good grades or my parents will slice me up!well..can't deny the fact that i won't let myself fail so many times in my study life..life be too short for me to waste..cherish the time cherish everyone around you..

this morning had "ba zang" with kent..wow!i really miss my home-made "ba zang"...how i wish grandpa is still here..grandma be as healthy as before..BUT sigh..we can't look back to our past aint it?haha..neway..i need to find a way to deal with my sleepiness at 10am every morning..urgh..chicken essence doesn't really help =( had KFC snack plate for lunchie...and also CHEESY WEDGES..yummy yummy...

the piano tuner came..and..he told me that instead of buying one new piano..i shud actually send my piano mechanism for overhauling..due to the good condition of my piano..well my piano has been there for 10 years!my bday present from papa..then..ok lu...600 bucks..sigh..been spending a lot lately..i need one fast job..well i need 300 bucks for now..let mama pay half..or maybe i shud jux go withdraw from my bank?hmm...it depends tho..

another evening i spent watching one piece...i'm so in love with the anime..=) am gonna buy the comic as collection~YIPPIE!!!!i miss my boyfriend..ouh we be going to kr's school carnival 2mrw..hmm..jalan a bit then go home?ya i think it shud be done it that way=) piano lesson for me 2mrw..urgh..gonna be tiresome..

06042009------------>a month to go..

A month to go..and there comes my finals!hoho~lets see what i've been doing lately..slacking, watching anime..day dreaming...stoning in the room...staying up all night doing nuts...hypnotising myself...urgh!i know it didn't work at all..BUT I HAVE NO IDEA WHICH PART IS GOING WRONG!god damn it..seriously..whenever i look at the book...i felt like sleeping..i rather spent my time doing the stuffs above and not study...eww..

felt kinda disgusted whenever i look at my piles and piles of books..and files..thank god my piano is there..i've got something to do..hmm..i'm back to my old life..music,eat,dream,slack,sleep...gaming can't be part of my life..

forcing myself to go to bed as early as possible..so that i would get my ass up early and go library..i rather camp at the library..than staying at home and sleep =) well..at least i will study there..although is frigging cold..i would at least force myself to study weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.....

watched fast & furious 4 with darling..NAISE movie..hehe ^^the both of us were lucky enough to get middle seating..yippie!!!!!! damn lucky because the cinema was full and we didn't booked the tickets at the first place..brian o' conner was damn yeng~ DOM was fantastic..the cars are SEXY!!! i loves racing movie..i loves car..hehe ^^